Why Save Yourself For Marriage?

Our society is terribly confused about sex. The value of humans has already been significantly reduced through the philosophical postulate of nonanthropocentrism to mere biological constructions and, if that’s the case, what is sexuality but just some cool random collision of evolving molecules accidentally creating something that happens to be very pleasurable?

I remember in my youth how church leaders used to fumble around in trying to teach us why we needed to wait, and about the value of virginity. In the end I think you end up with a “just don’t do it, it’s a sin, and you could get AIDS” scare tactic.  Well, as appreciative as the good intentions may be, that just hasn’t been very convincing to a lot of Christian youth. A lot of them.  So whats the big deal? Why is it so important to God? Sexually transmitted diseases are a relatively recent problem, so it can’t be just because he wants to protect us from them. Nor is God just throwing out a pointless rule to follow. Actually, God’s Word reveals that virginity is not a mere status, but a priceless treasure.

Sex is about Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:31-32)

First and foremost, sex is an image of Christ and the Church. Read the passage for yourself. This is where it all comes down to. Without this foundation, our understanding of sex is incomplete. Sex, along with the rest of Creation, is meant to teach us something about God (Psalm 148). This particular aspect of creation is often avoided in church settings, for understandable reasons. Yet, it is so essential to the well-being of our relationships and marriages! At the risk of losing a PG status here, I’ll try to briefly explain what this all means. The purpose and value can legitimately be seen in every aspect of sex. The male places himself in the woman through his seed just as Christ places himself in the Church through his Holy Spirit (James 1:21). The woman is receptive and does not place anything within the man just as Christ gives us himself while we can give nothing to Christ in return. Subsequently, new life is (usually) produced by the union of the seed with the ovum. And the two become one (Mark 10:8; 1 Cor. 6:17). What a profound mystery indeed, Paul. Consequently, the Lord is just as jealous for his Bride as any godly husband would be for his (Exodus 20:5; Deuteronomy 4:24). What a great grief and anger it is to him if his Bride should be shared by another (Isaiah 43:1)!

This “profound mystery” that Paul speaks of is most vividly typified in Ezekiel 16:7-15. That’s where we really learn the value of purity and about a jealous God who wants the beauty and treasures he created for his own Bride to be for himself alone: “your beauty…was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.” (Eze. 16:14) But then, “your beauty became his.” (Eze. 16:15). Does purity matter to God, our husband (Isa. 54:5), as something he wants for himself alone? You better believe it.

Virginity is a Priceless Treasure

Virginity needs to be seen as more than just a status. It is a treasure bestowed on us that we get to give to only one person in the entire world. It is a treasure that has the sole purpose of being enjoyed between you and only one other person in the whole entire world. It’s what makes the intimacy special. Is that not how the bond in all relationships are strengthened—when we find special things in common and share special times that belong to you and the other person and no one else? Then would it not follow that the most intimate of all experiences would also be the most valuable of all exclusively shared experiences between you and another person? Absolutely.

But remember this is a gift that you give to another person. If you are wise, you will give it to someone who will cherish it above all others. When we give our heart to someone, we expect that they will cherish it and keep it safe always by remaining faithful to it. Unfortunately we often find ourselves doing this repeatedly to our own disadvantage. This often leads others to worry about how they compare with others you’ve been with, or just picturing another person taking of a treasure that should have been just for them. Thus, the more exploited your heart—or sexuality—is, the more hurt your “one and only” will have to endure. Even kissing and holding hands are treasures. Priceless treasures are the heart and soul of relationships! Without them, what do you have but some weird and trivial set of meaningless transactions? Adultery, which is a term that comes from the Bible, refers to the sin of taking the beautiful treasure of sexual purity and defiling it through misuse. In the Bible to defile something means to make something polluted, contaminated or unclean and is used in reference to sex outside of marriage (Leviticus 18:20; Ezekiel 22:11; Revelation 14:4). There are many forms of adultery. A church can act adulterous when it lets its treasures—meant solely for its Savior (Ezekiel 16:7-15)—to be exploited by the world. The logic of many unfortunate and simple-minded people these days—Lord have pity on them—is that sexual intimacy between a man and woman is about as meaningful as sex with an inanimate object. But the God who created us called us “very good” and bestowed on us many gifts and treasures (James 1:17).

Because virginity is a priceless treasure and not an identity, you are no less valuable for who you are if you don’t have it than one who does have it. This is because every last one of us, virgin and non-virgin alike, has become sexually impure and defiled in heart. So many people who did not save their treasure for their future wife or husband, feel shame and a sense of being of less value than those who have. This is especially the case for many of those who have been sexually abused and robbed of their treasure.

That is what God talking about when he speaks of a person being sexually defiled. This defilement is the mistreatment or abuse of what God intended to be a beautiful and treasured thing. This is also why he has shown himself so incredibly adamant about the protection of this treasure. Consider the following story in Genesis:

But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, “Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man’s wife.” Now Abimelech had not approached her. So he said, “Lord, will you kill an innocent people? Did he not himself say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.”  Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know that you have done this in the integrity of your heart, and it was I who kept you from sinning against me. Therefore I did not let you touch her. Now then, return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, so that he will pray for you, and you shall live. But if you do not return her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.” (Genesis 20:4-7)

Consider very carefully how passionate God is on this subject: “You are a dead man” because “She is a man’s wife” and “I did not let you touch her” to keep “you from sinning against me”! It is later exemplified in a personal way in Ezekiel 16:7-15 where God expresses his own feelings and jealously for his own treasure to be for himself and no other.

The simple “looking on with lust” (Matthew 5:28) already incites God’s judgment because his purpose was for only two—not three, or four, or five—to enjoy each other (Job 31:1,9-11). David dedicates an entire psalm (Psalm 51) to the repentance of his sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:2-4).  The beauty and treasure of physical intimacy was to be enjoyed between two and no more. This is why you commit adultery and defile the “virgin” treasure of your heart every time you give yourself to pornography or looking at women lustfully. You are breaking the rule of two and no more. Nudity is a good thing, and sometimes has a place, (1 Sam. 19:24; 2 Sam. 6:14 ; Isaiah 20:2-4; John 21:7; Acts 14:14)  but because of sin and shame it must treated with modesty. Before the fall when there was no sin and no understanding of nakedness, this was not an issue. This is because Adam and Eve didn’t know they were naked nor was there any lust of the eyes or of the flesh (Genesis 2:25; 3:7; Romans 7:18; 1 John 2:16).

Proverbs 6:32 says, “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” Yet in Christ, there is hope; there is another chance for you yet to live a pure and holy life pleasing to God. With regard to your heart, you can be made pure right now. Repent and ask God to cleanse you from sin and heal you (James 5:16; 1 John 1:9). With regard to your body, you must, for now, live with the consequence that the rest of your sexual life will be devalued. Our present bodies cannot be renewed; they are corrupt and condemned to death (Romans 7:24; Romans 8:6; Romans 8:13).  At the appointed time we will all be given a new body (1 Corinthians 15:42-54). Thus, put your hope in the resurrection for this will be your freedom, as it is for all of us who live in corrupt bodies enslaved to death. If you have given your body as a slave to impurity, repent and confess your sin to brothers or sisters whom you trust, and present your body as a living sacrifice and as a slave to righteousness and you will find sanctification (Romans 6:19; Romans 12:1).